My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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