she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
