i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
