i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
