I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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