I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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