He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
