So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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