just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
