my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
