they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
MIDGETS
????
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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