hotel room ftw
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
