Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
