I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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