i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
