Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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