My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
