oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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