u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
