I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
