Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize