We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
