Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Text me some of your sweat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
