If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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