Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He has the fingertips of a God
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
