when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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