He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
