I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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