He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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