we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
