it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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