if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
