I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
