Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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