I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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