Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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