I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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