Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
