This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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