There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
