I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
