I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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