Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So squirting runs in the family.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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