you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
