His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
