Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
