Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
