I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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