turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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