He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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