moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
