I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
