Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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