cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's the barista slut.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
