i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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