Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
