I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want nice things and good sex
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
