By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
