he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
