so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
