new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
