its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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