someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My penis needs a shock collar
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
