she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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