you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
