Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
