I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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