I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize