By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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