Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
