So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
