I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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