I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
