Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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