Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize