So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
