Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize