brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Boobs speak an international language.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
