You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
