Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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