u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have fence marks all over my body
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize