You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
