Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
