i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
please don't ironically join a cult
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