I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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