Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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