Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize