By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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