i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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