And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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