he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
