I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
