Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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