So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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